I started my new job today. It is such a relief not to be stressed out and dreading going into work. The people I will be working with all seem really nice. I have lots to learn, but I think I'll like it. It's a lot of numbers and details that would drive most people insane, but I'm weird like that.
Of course, the very first day, they asked me if I had any children. I just said that I didn't, no more details than that. It got me thinking though. Will I eventually tell them my history, or is this a chance for me to start over? Kind of like changing high schools where you can start over fresh. No one knows you, they don't know your history or have any preconceived notions of what kind of person you are, or what clique you belong to.
Don't get me wrong - I'm not ashamed of our infertility or feel the need to hide it. In fact, I feel it's my duty to talk about it and educate people. But you know, sometimes it's just nice to be "normal". Not to feel like people are pitying you, or praying for you, or judging you.
More than likely, I'll eventually share my story. I'm pretty much an open book at this point. I think that my boss has children. If we go forward with our plan of transferring our last embryo next March I'll probably have to tell at least her.
I think it will be nice to be incognito for a while though.
What do you think? What would you do?
11 comments:
Congratulations on the new job!
I can see the peacefulness in being in a place where no one knows anything about you. The pressure is off when there are no preconceived (haha) notions. I've been in the same place for the last 10 years, and the annoyance factor is high when everyone thinks they know everything about your life.
I hope the new place is everything you hope it will be.
Congratulations on the new job :-)
I think I'd end up picking up where I left off in the first space since it's a situation that comes with me vs. something I can totally leave behind. It reminded me of camp and how I recreated myself there. I was such a quiet, invisible person in middle school. I went to my high school reunion and no one remembered sitting next to me in class! But in camp, I was loud and fun. I bumped into someone I haven't seen since camp this week and he immediately remembered who I was. All kids need a space to recreate themselves every once in a while.
But all adults do too :-) Enjoy your vacation from the looks and questions.
Yeah on the new job. It must be awesome, and i'm guessing a little overwhelming to be on that steep learning curve.
I think that you can remember that even if you do disclose to your new co workers that you've been through a lot to try and have kids, that they won't have gone thru the past few years with you. It won't mean the same thing to them as it does to those who went thru the experience with you.
I wouldn't go out of my way to hide anything, but I'd also be selective about who and when I disclose details.
Good luck with the new digs!
Massive congratulations on the new job!! :) I'm so pleased that you're enjoying it. Yup, I personally would stay incognito for a while, just until you get the lay of the land :) once you know a few colleagues better, you can decide to tell them or not. It will depend on how you feel about it.
Hooray for your first day! So excited for you. I am so, so sorry you were asked about kids on the first day. Ugh. Good luck with deciding to tell people, or not. It's entirely up to you, and make sure you do it when, and if, you are ready.
Yay for numbers and details. That's what I like too.
Hope your new job continues to go well.
Congrats on the new job! (Here from prompt-ly.)
I think I'd like to be incognito for a while, but then I'd probably want to tell people ... because half truths and lies end up begging more questions and hurting more than the truth sometimes. Though I can understand wanting to be "normal," too ... until I got to know my colleagues better.
Saw your post in Promptly and wanted to swing by to reply. Firstly - mazel tov on the new job! Always exciting starting a new gig :)
It's funny, as out as I am about my infertility with pretty much the whole damn world, I pretty much categorically refuse to talk about it at my current job. It's come up a total of TWICE in the nearly 3 years i've worked here.
That said, if I were to start a new job, I'd probably play it close to my chest for a while. I'm a woman with trust issues, so it's very important for me to know just who my colleagues are and whether or not information I share would be kept in confidence and/or respected. Personally, I'd see how I interact with my coworkers, how they interact with each other, and let the natural politics/dynamics of my work group become visible (as they so quickly do when you're a newcomer to a place) before deciding to open up. I might learn that maybe this office/job environment isn't a safe place to talk about it. And then again, you could be super lucky to learn that OMG where has this group of ppl BEEN all your life and it's one of the safest, most supportive groups you could find. And then again, it might fall somewhere in between.
Wishing you lots of luck as you get started in your new job!
good luck!
i'm pretty open about the fact that my daughter was conceived via IVF, but even though that happened during my (long) tenure at my current job, no one there knew anything about anything - except for one person who's a friend and had also been through ART. i guess my reproductive status didn't seem like something my office needed to know, like they don't need to know i have a blog.
on the other hand, i pumped at my cubicle. so much for keeping stuff to myself, eh?
Congrats on your new job! So glad your liking it so far. I would probably handle it the same way as you and feel people out. If someone said something that made me feel comfortable sharing I would. Good luck!
Congrats on the new gig, Brandy! I know this is a much-needed change! I hope it's going well for you. :)
I like the idea of eventually sharing your story, especially after you've gotten to know folks and can possibly identify some allies (ie, the non-pity-ers).
Thanks for the second helping shout out over on Stirrup Queens. :)
Happy 4th to you guys!
Good luck for the new job. I'm here from Prompt-ly. I think I'd discuss it only when I felt ready. In the same way that I let other details about myself out slowly, I let information about my infertility out slowly too. You've got to get to know people, understand who you can trust, to know how much you might tell them.
That said, the woman at the beauty salon recently found out within about 5 minutes.
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