Last night was my monthly Resolve support group meeting. If you don't recall, I recently took over leading the group along with one other person. She does a lot of the background stuff (reserving rooms, helping with getting speakers, etc) while I handle the email account and actually go to all of the meetings.
There were 4 people at the meeting not including me. Unfortunately there was some kind of children's activity going on in the auditorium right across from our meeting room. I walked down the stairs and the first thing I saw was a sign that said, "Stroller Parking" and an obviously pregnant women directing people. "Great", I thought. Just what an infertile needs to see on her way to a support group.
Two of the women there last night were in a very raw place emotionally. Both of them were crying when telling their stories. I remembered back to the first time I cried at one of the meetings. It was when we first found out about my husband's count. We literally found out that day and I went to the meeting that evening. I hadn't cried about it until I spoke the words out loud. I was devastated. One of the women last night is in between IVF cycles, but she found out after the first one that she might be in early menopause at age 32. My heart went out to her. Again, I went back to another point on our journey, after the first egg retrieval when they were only able to get three eggs. I was blindsided by that. I was only 27! What the hell was going on? Then my thoughts went to the meeting that I went to about a week after we found out that the second IVF wasn't successful. I was holding back tears (unsuccessfully) the whole time.
In contrast to that I was just thinking today that I'm in a good place. I can honestly say for the first time in a long while that I'm more happy than sad. Much of that is probably due to the combination of lex.a.pro, well.butr.in and x.a.nax, but even more is due to the help that I've gotten from my support group and the friendships I have made through it. That's why I volunteered to take over the group when the former leader couldn't do it anymore.
I have done a lot of emotional healing over the past year. We have our last frozen embryo transfer coming up early next year. When I think about it, I'm not overcome by anxiety. I don't worry about what will happen if it doesn't work. I'm just busy living right now. And it feels good.
2 comments:
it sure feels good to feel good, doesn't it! You've done so much important work to take care of yourself, and the payoff is pretty incredible.
For what its worth, I am reasurred to see that I'm not the only one who relied on a little help from my meds throughout this process too.
Take care brandie - love Foxy
You are amazing! What a wonderful opportunity to lead the support group. It just sounds like you've grown so much, and you sound so, so healthy. You truly are an inspiration and the women in your group are very lucky to have you!
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