Where to start? I guess I need to write out the whole story here.

I'm Brandy. 28 years old, married for 5 years to Eric. For the first 4 years of our marriage I was super-vigilant about birth control. I had an IUD and sometimes we would even use condoms just in case. I was in graduate school when we first got married, so a baby was definitely not in the plan.

Fast forward to May 2007. I graduated from school and got a "real" job working in the Marketing department of a bank. Eric had been in the real word for 3 years so we were finally getting to a place where we felt like functioning adults who were financially stable.

In February of 2008, I got my IUD removed. We had finally decided to take the plunge and try to get pregnant. I read up on everything I could. I bought a basal thermometer to take my temperature every morning and chart my cycle. I thought it would take a few months at the most. However, like clockwork, every month my period started. I began to worry that my luteal phase was too short. It was never longer than 11 days, sometimes being as short as 8 days.

After a year, I went back to my gynecologist and discussed matters. He gave me a prescription for clomid and specific directions about which days to have sex to maximize our chances for conception. It began to feel like a chore. That month was also a bust. I decided not to do another round of clomid until Eric got checked out. This was mainly just covering our bases, I thought he would be fine. I was convinced that I was the problem.

How wrong I was. The test results came back and they weren't good. In addition to a low count, his swimmers had little to no motility. The chance of us ever getting pregnant on our own is about 1%. It could happen, but I could also win the lottery. I'm not counting on it.

With that diagnosis, we were officially infertile. I was crushed. I didn't realize how much I really wanted children until it was taken away from me.

We recently went to a Reproductive Endocrinologist to see what our options are. Unfortunately, they are all very expensive and our insurance does not cover any of it. I'll save that for another post though. For now, I'm still trying to let it all sink in. It has been an emotional roller coaster. One day I'll be fine, the next day I will be holding back tears all day. I cry at the drop of a hat. I feel very out of control.

I'm just muddling through one day at a time.