Kind of.
I have graduated from weekly therapy sessions. My next will be in three weeks. In general my mental state has been better these past few weeks. It's kind of weird actually. I had gotten so used to being depressed and melancholy, it was weird to actually laugh out loud at something funny.
In general, new pregnancy announcements don't have that sting anymore. I've come to accept the fact that it's biology, and sometimes (a lot of times) stupid people are able to reproduce like rabbits. It's almost like I've done a 180. Now it's the announcement from someone that did treatment that upsets me. In the past, they gave me hope, because hopefully I would get pregnant after treatment. Now though, it's almost like salt in a wound. It didn't work for you, but look at me!!! And I know that's not how it is at all. I am truly happy for those who are able to overcome infertility. But I think I will always have a hole in my heart related to it.
3 comments:
Congrats on graduating, it sounds like your doing great. I feel the same way a lot of the time about the last bit of your entry.
You've been doing some hard work in therapy, girl. :) I'm happy to hear that you've graduated, and I hope you have mannnnny more laugh-out-loud moments. I understand your struggles with dealing with IFer pregnancies. IF is effin' complicated, and it does some wack things to all of our perspectives...
Best to you...
Before I was able to start treatments, I would really enjoy reading the stories of those lucky IF women who had gotten a "miracle" surprise BFP when not doing treatments. But once I started seeing the RE, I couldn't read many of them anymore because it pissed me off that they got their "miracle" and I didn't. Why can they be infertile and have the fates align to get pregnant without help, but I have to go through all the shit? Not fair.
But yeah. Totally understand feeling angry that what worked for some didn't work for you.
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