I had a dream last night that I had a baby. I was pregnant, but I didn't give birth. Somehow though, I still ended up with the baby. It was a girl. And for whatever reason, because I didn't give birth, I couldn't breastfeed. I didn't have any supplies, but my mom helped me get some formula and bottles. I kept forgetting to feed her. I would feed her and then still try to breastfeed, but there was nothing there for her. She was a whopping 13 pounds at birth. She was asleep in my arms and I needed to do some cooking for a family get-together. I remember thinking that I really needed a sling. I was at someone else's house and they told me I could put her in the bedroom to nap. I thought, she's a newborn so there's no danger of her rolling off the bed as long as I put her in the middle. As soon as I laid her down she rolled over and started crawling! I freaked out thinking, "she's growing up too fast!"
So for the rest of the dream I just carried her in my arms as she slept. It was the most wonderful feeling. I can still remember exactly what she looked like and how she felt. I woke up looking for her.
It was a sad dream upon waking, but it was nice while it lasted. It all felt so real. I finally had a baby of my own to hold. I wonder if I had it because of all of my issues with adopting right now. It's so important for me to carry our child, to be able to breastfeed and nourish it. I feel like, if we adopt, I'll be missing a huge part of that. Maybe it's something that I will get over in time. For now though, I just keep thinking about that dream. You'd think it would make me sad, but it's actually kind of comforting.
5 comments:
Wow.. what a crazy dream. I agree with your assessment that it must have something to with thinking about adoption.
How awesome would it be get pregnant and have the baby without actually having to "deliver" it?? :)
I've had weird dreams like that too! I think that's an interesting connect about adoption.
I think your dream signifies that you're going to be a great mom! I hope the adoption process goes by quickly and smoothly for you. One of my best friends went through the struggles of IF and she & her hubby adopted a trio of siblings last year. Big challenge, but big blessings, too -- for my friend & her hubby as well as the kids.
They do grow up fast -- like in your dream. My "baby" girl graduated from college Saturday!
Linda (via ICLW)
{{{Hugs}}} Brandy. Are y'all trying to adopt a newborn? You know a non-birth mother can be stimulated to produce breastmilk if they take the proper meds?
I hope your dream of having your baby comes true soon.
I have had those types of crazy dreams as well - alot of times, I don't want to wake up or try to jump back into them in the same place (rarely works). I understand about how you want to have a baby to hold, it is why I chose the path we are on now.
Everyone has to take the steps along the way at their own pace - it is definitely a form of grieving as you go along the journey, I believe.
All the best and Merry Christmas!
Post a Comment