My first therapy appointment was today. I was a bit nervous about it, but I really liked the therapist. We spent an hour just going over background stuff, why I was there, my history, relationship stuff, all of that. I cried the whole time. I went over my lunch break so I had to go back to work with puffy, red eyes. She doesn't have a lot of experience with infertility, but her sister went through IVF, so she kind of has an idea.
She thinks that I'm dealing with post traumatic stress. She offered a referral to a psychiatrist for some meds. I haven't decided yet about that, but the more I think about it, the more I'm leaning towards help in the form of happy pills. My next appointment is a week from today. I hope this will be a turning point for me. I need to get back to me and who I was before. I really don't know who I am right now.
In other news, Eric and I have been tentatively talking about traveling to the UK over Christmas. We're thinking Ireland right now, but we haven't decided anything yet.
15 comments:
Stopping by from ICLW...
I'm glad your appointment went ok, and I hope it continues that way. It's amazing just to find someone who you can talk to.
I hope you get to take that UK trip! DH and I traveled to Europe over Christmas a few years ago, and it was amazing!
When we got our azoospermia diagnosis I had to go on medicine. I was a complete disaster. So don't feel like you are weak if you have to go on them for a little bit. I was able to go off before we started IVF.
The vacation sounds amazing!
Whatever it takes to get you through, love. It doesnt mean you will always need medication - but if it gets you through right now, then do it.
ps I am jealous of your travel plans! I've wanted to see Ireland for years!
Brave soul --it takes courage to go to therapy, and rehash all the painful thoughts, experiences, and memories of this process... I hope it is helpful for you though. I hope it helps you find the way back to YOU again.... even if with a little help from happy pills. ;-)
Fun, fun-- a trip across the pond! That sounds like a nice way to distract yourself with planning and day-dreaming 'til then... Hmmm...maybe I should toss out that idea to my DH, too! (sadly, his frugal self will probably reject it outright--but still..a girl can dream, right?)
Hope a little sunshine starts to creep back into your days soon, and 'wake up' the old you... Thanks for sharing your journey with us~
I'm glad your therapist knows someone who has been through infertility.. it helps. Mine is fertile but she knows a bunch of people who are not. Therapy & Meds has changed my infertile life. I am not happy all the time.. but I have moments of clarity where I feel Good. Good Luck, let us know what you decide.
PS. My primary was able to prescribe my lex.apro. It was a cheaper copay than a psychiatrist and easier to get an appointment, and refills.
Having been where you are in this process, I highly recommend the happy pills. They will help you turn this around so much quicker. Also, studies have found that taking them in combination with seeing someone helps you make the biggest improvement. The two together will have you back to rights in no time.
Good for you for taking this first step. You've already made it past the hardest part.
Hi Stopping by from ICLW,
I have had to go on depression meds myself dealing with my IF.
Honestly it is the best decision I could have made.
We are dealing with so many things in our journey, and I decided to take help in any form I could, even if that was in a pill form.
I find it so much easier to deal with life now that I am on them.
So glad that you liked your therapist and that it went well. I would love to go to the UK. I love everything british. I hope you do make it to that vacation.
I think the therapy is wonderful! I know it doesn't seem wonderful to be going to work with puffy red eyes but it is so therapeutic to vent and get some emotion out. I hope it helps you get to that turning point. And traveling plans sound great too! ;-)
Happy ICLW! (#75)
I'm so glad you like your therapist.
Going away for Christmas is a really great idea! Just you and hubby getting away from it all will be nice.
Good for you for going to see a therapist. Talking to someone unbiased is always helpful.
Ooo Ireland, that sounds like fun! I'm sorry your having a hard time. Best of luck to you :-)
Ashlee, ICLW #180
I've been thinking about counseling lately myself. I hope it helps you! As others have said, it's good that your therapist has a passing familiarity with IF.
I am so proud of you. That is a HUGE first step to feeling better.
I said it before and I'll say it again - I am a huge fan of my happy pills, and credit them with helping me regain a sense of hope and control over my life. I wrote a whole post about them a few weeks ago.
One other thing I've learned is to take off some extra time after my sessions. I am the only one who can take care of myself, and I know that i need some space to regroup after each therapy hour. Or I try to schedule them for the end of the day.
hang in there, there is a light at the end of this tunnel, and you are walking towards it.
Hi! New reader here (ICLW #154). I don't share this with many people, but I think you might find something to relate to here, so here goes! After several years of battling the emotional baggage that goes along with infertility myself, I was FINALLY convinced by a friend to see a counselor. It totally changed my life. And yes, I did accept some 'happy pills.' I was so terrified they'd make me feel like a zombie or something, but they actually returned me to the happy, carefree person I was before I knew my ovaries were broken. I highly recommend trying them out, not as a crutch (as some people would seem to think) but as a way to get your life back!!
I wish you luck. :)
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