I googled "adoption" the other day. I clicked on the first link that showed up. As soon as the page opened, I was filled with overwhelming dread and anxiety. I didn't even look at it and closed the page immediately.
I guess that confirms what I've felt all along. Adoption is not for me. Maybe it will be later, but for right now, no way.
15 comments:
i've googled it too. I can't say it's 'not for me'at this point, but i do have a similar phobic reaction to diving into the beauracracy and institutionalism and expense (time, psychological, and $) that is adoption. Even the softest of websites can make something so personal and intimate seem strange and foreign. That said, I bet I could love and raise a child that wasn't mine biolotically as if it were. That makes me think adoption will be an option...if we get to that point.
I too have quickly exited an adoption website that I have come across too, though I did go back later and then signed JourneyMan and I up for an information night that we didn't go to (I did that twice). I have come to the conclusion that you have to take the journey at your own pace and whatever steps that you have to. It's okay to listen to others but the most important person to consider is yourself and your wonderful husband.
All the best!
Happy ICLW
Heh. I just left a comment on another blog about me and adoption. I don't think I can do it either.
Stopping by from ICLW :D
I seem to recall having similar feelings the first time I looked into it too. I have never felt like that was my route to parenthood either.
I wanted to add something just as I clicked the accpet button. Dang it.
I think the reason we have such a hard time with it the first time we look into it is because going that route means we have given up our dream of conceiving children of our own. Taking that step means you are closing down the door to biological children, not shutting it completely, but preparing to. If you're not ready to walk down that path yet, it seems dark and scary, which means it isn't right or it isn't the right time.
If it was right for you, it would have felt right and wouldn't have filled you with anxiety and dread. Hopefully your cycle in January or February will keep you from needing to explore that route.
I can relate COMPLETELY. After our first IVF failure we looked into adoption, even going to an orientation meeting. The whole time we wre squirming to get OUT! When we left we both felt just nauseous about it. This is definitely not to bag on adoption because it is a beautiful and amazing process! We just KNEW then that it wasn't for us. At least not then anyway. In the years since then we have revisited the option many times, and it has just never felt right for us. Just because it's an awesome thing doesn't mean that it's for everyone. Even those who do adopt, sometimes the acceptance has to grow. Sounds like it's not the right step for you now.
As much as we hate it, sometimes the answer to the famous question, "What should we do now?" is to just WAIT. It's an awful answer to get because waiting equals wasted time to an IFer. But sometimes... it's the right path.
Whatever you decide to do, I wish you luck in it. And especially that you can find something that you feel right about; be it adoption, more fertility treatment, natural TTC, foster, waiting... whatever. Only you two can truly know what's best for you.
*hugs* Do whatever is best for you. Only you can decide.
I know how you feel. Friends and family keep mentioning the "adoption option" to DH and I, but it just doesn't feel right at ALL at this point! I wish everyone would try to respect and understand that. Maybe someday, but not right now. Anyway, baby dust to you -- hopefully we'll both be pregnant soon!
Last year, I left the info session for our adoption agency with a killer migraine and I thought, maybe that means adoption isn't for me. But husband and I discussed it, and decided we did want to go forward, and less than a year later, the beautiful baby we've adopted was born. And now, while we haven't given up on TTC, we can't imagine having become first-time parents any other way. So while you should absolutely trust your instincts, know that sometimes these things change in huge and wonderful ways :)
Adoption isn't for everyone and I applaud you for being able to admit it isn't right for you at this time. I get so irritated when FERTILE people say to "just adopt" as if they have any experience in that area what with their biological kids and all. Very annoying. My brothers are both adopted from Korea, so I do feel a connection to adopting there. Since IVF#1 failed we are seriously looking into that avenue. For us we need to feel like what we are doing something that will end up building our family because right now IVF feels like a crap shoot. Take care.
ICLW
Sounds like you're doing a good job listening to your heart.
ICLW
You have to do what's right for you, and maybe adoption isn't it. There is no rule that says you have to decide today or next week or even next year.
Do what's right for you.
ICLW
Thanks for stopping by my blog! I hope that you get to move forward with your journey and that you get your miracle soon.
ICLW
too much on the web about infertility and adoption. it's hard to know what to believe
I'm so sorry your cycle didn't work and I am even more sorry your BIL is being insensitive to your feelings. {{{Hugs}}} and wishing you better luck next time.
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