Today has been a sucky, shitty day. But I can honestly say I was expecting it. It was no surprise when the nurse called at 10:30 and told me she didn't have good news. I managed to hold back the tears until I hung up. I messaged Eric at work, and then he called and he tried to console me while I cried. He emailed our parents and let them know. I just couldn't call. My mom called me at some point, but I just let it go to voicemail. I just really don't feel like talking to anyone right now.
And while this is an awful time for me, I somehow feel that now I can truly call myself an infertile. In some sick and twisted way, I would have felt bad if it had worked the first time. Like we didn't go through enough to get pregnant. IVF is no walk in the park.
Our follow-up appointment is next Wednesday. I don't know what our next step is from here. Do I have it in me to do another cycle? Do I need to take a break? I don't know. I just hope I'm done crying in a week so that I'm not bawling my eyes out at the doctor's office.
13 comments:
Shitty, shit, shit, shit. That does suck. The big one. It's okay for your to curl into a little cocoon, lick your wounds. Don't even worry about the next cycle, unless it gives you some measure of hope.
It's okay for it to just suck.
I am so sorry. After my first IVF I remember being totally overwhelmed. I didn't think I could ever go through it again. And here I am, awaiting AF to get the show on the road again. Sometimes it just takes time. Take time for yourself. I think grieving a failed cycle is much like grieving a miscarriage. You have to take time to grieve what will never be so that you can work up the energy to fight on in the TTC journey. Good luck with the healing process.
*hugs* You were strong for not crying until you were off the phone. I'm sorry it didn't work this time.
I completely understand you're not knowing if you could ever rally yourself for another IVF. Take it slowly. Unless it helps you mentally/emotionally, don't worry about the next step. You do whatever you think you need to do. For some people- taking time to grieve it helpful. For some it helps to do another one ASAP to keep their minds off it. There is no wrong answer or decision.
I hope you can start feeling a bit better soon. I'm so sorry, Brandy.
ugh, i'm so sorry. if you are not ready to have that "where do we go now" appointment next wednesday, push it back. give yourself some time to really think through what you are ready to do next. there is no right answer, only what's best for you. hang in there.
Time and space sounds like an excellent and understandable plan. (((HUGS)))
I am sorry sweetie. It is so hard to pick yourself up from a failed cycle. Take your time and heal. You are entitled to your pain. And if you cry next week, that is completely okay. Its not like your cycle was free, and I'm speaking emotionally as well as monitarily, not to mention hormonaly. As long as you pick yourself back up, that is all that matters.
*hugs*
Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry! Get a good hard cry and pick up the pieces before you move on. Be good to yourself and don't forget to breathe.
BIG HUGS
Again, I'm so sorry. We go through so much when doing IVF, to have it fail is such an enormous let down. Be kind to yourself right now. Yell if you need to, cry when you want to. You need time to grieve and work through this.
((HUGS))
very sorry. There aren't words to make it feel better, only time. I know how you feel, I've been there many, many times. You'll know what the right next step is when the time comes.
I'm very sorry hon ::hugs::
Cuddle up with your husband tonight and cry it all out. Let it all out and know that all of us are covering you in good thoughts and prayers.
I'm so sorry that this didn't work out. It sucks to go through hell and high waters for nothing.
Please take time and grieve this cycle. Don't make any decisions until you're ready.
So sorry to hear that, I totally understand after going thru s failed IVF cycle myself in October.
Like you I think I've not been thru enough, I haven't been thru failed IU's, IVF's before etc like others have. So would have felt like I'd cheated somehow if it had worked the first time (still very disappointed though).
My follow up appt didn't help with all the questions I had, prepare yourself to be able to cope with "it just happens", if you feel like you need to postpone I would.
Hope you feel better soon, take care (((hugs)))
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